


A Good Night with Bad Fake Names

by BlueStag



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, BAMF Mantis, F/F, M/M, Multi, Peter Quill Needs a Hug, Peter Quill is a drama queen, bad alter egos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 02:53:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15257829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueStag/pseuds/BlueStag
Summary: Peter, Thor, and Mantis go undercover at a Sovereign Gala to find someone who attempted to assassinate Nebula and then assassinate them. Sounds simple, right?





	A Good Night with Bad Fake Names

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the day two of Thorquill week 2018 theme being victory! It's a bit late and I wrote it last minute

“Who are you supposed to be?” The golden lady of the Sovereign asked, Peter wondered if they’d recognized him, his disguise wasn’t too elaborate. In fact, he wasn’t really wearing a disguise aside from a pair of sunglasses and a blue raincoat, just hoping that they would assume he wasn’t stupid enough to go without a disguise. Thor didn’t need a disguise, no one recognized him without his long luscious hair. Mantis on the other hand… No one knew her.

“I am Njall Sigurdsson and he’s Burt Macklin, and she is ugh.... Our slave.” Thor said.

“Well, you’re both on the list and slaves don’t really count as guests. Welcome to the embassy’s annual gala, I apologize for being tearse, but you can never be too careful.” She said, “Go on in and have a wonderful night, Mr. Sigurdsson and Mr. Macklin. You can send your slave to the dungeons if you choose.”

“She stays with us. And thanks you too.” Peter said with a fake Southern accent. 

“Don’t draw too much attention to us, Burt, we already stand out enough.” Thor said, “We’re just here for a good time.” It was hard to tell someone not to draw attention without drawing attention to the fact that they were actually undercover.

“Right, sorry, I forgot about your anxiety disorder.” Peter said. 

“Quiet Burt, you know that’s personal.” Thor said, although he did not have anxiety, he thought that a person with anxiety would not introduce themselves as Njall with an anxiety disorder. 

“Nice slave, what’s her name?” A sakaaran asked. 

“She’s… Janis.” Thor said. 

“I’ll buy her for a hundred thousand units.” The sakaaran said. 

“She’s not for sale.” Peter said, “And no, you can’t rent her either.” 

“She must be something special then…” The sakaaran said, “Can I touch her?”  
“Go right ahead.” Peter said, Thor whacked him as the creeper stroked her antennae. “Thor, it’s fine.” Mantis nodded at Thor and it hit him that she can make him lose interest. Her antennae glowed and he scoffed and walked away. 

“What did you do?” Thor asked. 

“I made him feel disgusted.” Mantis said, “Don’t worry, I can fend for myself. You can’t refuse to give me away, it will make them want me more. I was Ego’s pet all my life, I know how to handle these situations.” 

“Holy shit you’re kind of a badass, Ma-Janis.” Peter said. 

“We’re undercover, Burt.” Mantis said quietly.

“That’s right Janis, you stand two steps behind us, do what we say and when we say it, and you open doors. Any more or any less and you’re replaced by a more competent one.” Thor said. Mantis nodded, and looked down submissively, holy shit she’s awesome. Peter wanted to give her a high five right then and there but that would completely blow their cover. 

“Get me a napkin.” Peter said, Mantis nodded and went off and got a gold paper napkin for Peter, he took out a pen from his pocket and scribbled a note. One saying ‘go to Ayesha’s office.’ 

“This napkin is dirty, go to the dungeons.” Peter said in a very bad fake angry voice. 

“You shouldn’t have sent her alone.” Thor said. 

“I’ll distract the guards.” Peter said. 

“How?” Thor asked. 

“I’ll flirt with them and make them think it’s going somewhere so that M-Janis can get by without getting herself in trouble.” Peter said. 

“Janis is fine on her own, we should just listen to what’s going on for now.” Thor said, “When Mantis gets back we’ll handle whoever.” 

“Okay cool.” Peter said, “Can you do the killing because these guys already hate me enough.’

“Yeah. I have a blaster in my pocket.” Thor said. 

“You have a what in your pocket!?” A guard asked. 

“A blaster, you know it’s a common candy from Terra that Burt and I like, he wanted to know if I had any and I do.” Thor said, “Want one?” He asked, he took a few lifesaver mints from his other pocket. He was really lucky he had those. 

“No. I’m good.” The guard said, “Actually, sure.” He took the candy and put it in his mouth. “Are you two from terra?” 

“Nah we’re xandarians, just came across the candies after I hooked up with one.” Peter said. It was a lie, he’s never hooked up with another human. But Peter figured hooking up with someone was the most commonly told lie for pathetic reasons and not assassination related reasons. 

“Nice. Hey, why don’t you guys go get a drink, I’d recommend the bone popper.” The guard suggested. 

“We will, thanks for the suggestion.” Peter said, they walked away quick but not too quick, he really wanted to get shit faced, but that was not ideal for going undercover on important missions. 

Thor put an effort into keeping Peter away from the bar, “Do you think Janis is doing okay?” Peter asked. “I really need a drink.”

“I really hope so.” Thor sighed, “And no drinking.” 

“Can we dance or something? You’re a really bad date.” Peter said. 

“All right, just look out.” Thor said, he guided Peter to the dance floor and they did the awkward Sovereign dances which were a lot like Earth’s slow dances, but much much slower. Like how grandparents try to dance, it’s kind of awful. 

“This dance is awful.” Peter said quietly, so he didn’t offend.

“They’d consider your style of dancing inappropriate, Burt.” Thor said. 

“Yeah, I know.” Peter said, “I think people are staring at us. Let’s make a scene” 

“That’s a horrible idea.” Thor said. 

“I know, but it’s still really weird, plus, if we fight we’ll just look like a problematic couple and people will talk about us for being stupid Xandarians, not some assassins.” Peter said, “My good looks are getting us too much attention. Sorry.” 

“Burt.” Thor groaned, “You’re ego will be your demise.” 

“Well you didn’t disagree, does that mean you think I’m good looking?” Peter asked. 

“Burt…” Thor sighed.

“You are a horrible date.” Peter cried, “You won’t even say that you think I’m pretty.” He took a drink from one of the nearby caterer’s trays and threw it at Thor. “Go dance with someone you find pretty then, Njall.” 

“God dammit Burt you’re making a scene!” Thor yelled. 

“Oh I’m making a scene? Does my scene that I’m making mean more to you than my feelings? Is that how it is Njall?!” Peter yelled. Peter’s a goddamn genius. 

“For god’s sake Burt!” Thor grunted, and stormed off. He grabbed a bottle of booze from the bar and drank it down. Peter disappeared into the crowd. 

“It’s a tragedy that a beautiful creature like you is with such a jerk.” A kree whispered to Peter, “Maybe you should spend some time with me, I could treat you right.” 

“Wow, you’re kind of a creep, but I’m kind of sad right now so I’ll take it.” Peter said, the kree laughed and put an arm around Peter and guided him to an empty corridor. “I’m Burt Macklin.” The blinked in response, as if knowing he was lying, Peter almost panicked, he left his rockets in Mantis’ shoes and Thor was pissed off at him. The kree took off Peter’s glasses, shit, he knew who he was.

Thor sat on the bench, drinking, Mantis walked with her head down to Thor, she took a file out of her blazer and handed it to Thor, “The assassin was sent by them, and I took a copy of the guest list as well, he is here.” 

“What’s his name?” Thor asked. 

“Magnus.” Mantis said, “He doesn’t have a last name, he is a Kree and we have his picture, he should be easy to find. Where’s Peter?” 

“We faked a fight and then he stormed off. I don’t know.” Thor said. 

“Why did you do that?” Mantis asked. 

“So that people would think we’re just a stupid couple.” Thor said, “People were staring and we thought that maybe we’d give them a show.” 

“That was unnecessary.” Mantis said.  
“Well, it happened.” Thor said, “I regret it, my suit is soaked.” 

“It was stupid to fake a fight.” Mantis said.

“I know,” Thor said, “We got to find him. I’m worried, he could be anywhere. What if he got himself caught?” 

“Then let’s look for him.” Mantis said. 

“Excuse me sir, have you seen a Xandaran, about my height, auburn hair, side burns and bit of a mustache and sunglasses?” Thor asked. 

“That guy you were with? No, sorry.” A dude he asked said, they kept asking around for Peter until they ran into another Kree who said that Magnus and Peter were together and walked away. After that, it didn’t take long for them to find him and Magnus. Peter was chained to a pole with Magnus communicating with someone. 

“Who sent you?” Thor asked. 

“For what?” Magnus asked. 

“Here. Why did you attempt to assassinate Nebula, daughter of Thanos?” Thor asked. 

“She had taken part in the betrayal of the Sovereign so they offered me a handsome amount of Units to take her out.” Magnus replied, “I recognized your friend Peter here, and they want him more. It’s just I didn’t think I was up for a job as big as going after one who wielded an infinity stone, but I guess I’m just better than I thought.” 

“Well you’re going to have to get through us now.” Thor said. 

“With pleasure.” Magnus said, he weilded a large mace and gave it a few good swings before he swung it at Thor’s knees, Thor kicked the mace, hurting his foot a tiny bit, but it hit Magnus square in the balls. That caught him off guard, Mantis grabbed ahold of the head and made him sleep. Thor finished the job with a swift stomp on the skull. 

“I found him. You’re welcome.” Peter said. 

“We should stay awhile, if we leave right after he’s found dead we’d look suspicious.” Mantis said, “But we should stick together now.” 

“Agreed.” Peter said, “Can you guys you know… untie me?” Mantis cut the ropes with a weaponized hair clip that Gamora gave to her. “Since we got the job done, can we just enjoy the party?” 

“I don’t see why not.” Thor said. “Janis, tell Gamora we got the job done.” 

“Got it!” Mantis said, and sent a message to Gamora in a phone that Tony had bought her. Space plans are now an exclusive thing that Tony does. “But if you want to enjoy the party I should wait somewhere.” 

“Should I go to the dungeons then?” Mantis asked. 

“How about you wait by the bar with the others.” Thor suggested, Mantis nodded and walked to join the other servants and slaves waiting against the wall behind the bar. They were all perfectly still and silent, it was hard to look at, it was harder to look at Mantis join then and be the way she was back when they first met. 

“I feel bad for doing this to her.” Peter said. 

“We’ll make it up to her.” Thor said. 

“I know, but we can’t make up for all those years she’d been my dad’s slave.” Peter said, “Doing this kind of makes me feel like him.” 

“Mantis wanted to do this, she wanted to be apart of this so she could help get back at the man that tried to kill her girlfriend.” Thor said, “She’s using her life’s experience to help her while doing so, I’m sure she’s fine.” 

“Yeah, you know what, I think we should get out of here soon, so we could all celebrate together.” Peter said. 

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” Thor asked. 

“Yeah.” Peter said. They went to fetch Mantis, and she was glad to go. “What do you want to do Mantis?” 

“I’d like to be with Nebula.” She said. 

“Alright, tonight we’ll go wherever you want so that you can do whatever you want with Nebula, but choose a place where we have a place to stay.” Peter said. 

“Thank you!” Mantis said, she gave Peter a hug and then gave a hug to Thor, both of them could feel her happiness inside her. “We are going to go shopping and see a movie on Earth and then go get pizza and ice cream.” 

“Have fun, kiddo.” Thor said, the other guardians and Thor spent the night at stark towers, before leaving Mantis went to thank Peter and Thor again for being such good friends. 

“You two did great tonight too, do you guys want to come with us on a double date?” Mantis asked. 

“Well Peter and I aren’t dating, but if Peter’s up for it so am I.” Thor said, Peter shrugged. 

“I would be, it’s always awkward to go on double dates where one couple is all serious and then the other isn’t. I mean I’d love to go, but tonight is for you two. Oh, here’s a credit card.” Peter said. 

“Suit yourselves.” Nebula said, “Tony already gave me one. And thanks for killing that fucker.” 

“Anytime.” Peter said. Mantis and Nebula left, “Tony gave her a credit card and not me? What is he crazy?” 

“Want to celebrate with some champaign?” Thor asked. 

“Sure.” Peter said, Thor got off of the couch and located the nearest bottle of champaign. There wasn’t a room in a house owned by Tony that didn’t have some kind of booze in it. “Sorry for throwing a drink at you. I kind of got carried away with our fake fight. I had a lot of fun yelling at you.” 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you.” Thor said, getting back on the couch sitting beside Peter. “It was unlike me to get angry, if it was just a fake fight. I don’t like being mean.” 

“Dude we killed someone less than an hour ago.” Peter laughed. 

“That was different, he tried to kill my friend.” Thor said. 

“People try to kill my friends all the time and I end up sleeping with half of them.” Peter said, “Scratch that, that only applies to people that try to kill me. I fucking kill anyone who goes after my friends.” 

“You’re something else, Peter Quill.” Thor chuckled, couldn’t say that he could relate to Peter’s habits, but they were quite amusing. A few drinks in, and Peter was rather tipsy. Thor thought that someone who was part celestial would have a higher tolerance, but he was wrong. 

“I wouldn’t be opposed to sleeping with friends either, by the way.” Peter said. 

“If you’re implying that you’d sleep with me, I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Peter, only because you’re under the influence of alcohol.” Thor said. 

“That’s exactly what I’m implying.” Peter said. 

“Okay but you do realize that I will not sleep with someone who is drinking, right?” Thor asked. 

“Yeah, I get it, you’re not a douche.” Peter said, “You’re such a great guy. But if I were 100% sober, would you sleep with me?” 

“Definitely.” Thor replied. 

“But why though? You’re so great and you could do so much better.” Peter said, he was sure that Thor has done so much better, why would he stoop so low? It didn’t make much sense, but not much made sense to Peter after a few drinks. 

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, Peter, you are charming and sensitive, it’s sweet. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and you’re cute.” Thor said, “And you shouldn’t compare yourself to me.”

“I can’t help it.” Peter said, “I’m insecure.” 

“I know.” Thor sighed, it was obvious Peter was insecure from the moment that they’d met. Many men were insecure around Peter, and many women too. “I like you, Peter. And that’s all that matters.” 

“When you put it like that I sound like an ass.” Peter said. 

“No, you’re not an ass, Peter.” Thor said, “You’re you.” 

“That kind of sounded like an insult, dude.” Peter said.

“It wasn’t meant to be one.” Thor said. He put an arm around Peter’s shoulders, it seemed appropriate, as long as they did nothing more than that. Peter let his head fall onto Thor’s shoulder, and then scooched onto his chest. 

“You’re comfy.” Peter groaned, and fell asleep resting peacefully on Thor, who drifted into a restful sleep not so long after. Assassinations aside, it was a lovely night for everyone.


End file.
